Today 4th of July - marks the first day I met you a year ago.
I’ve been in and out of things back then - wasn’t sure of what I really wanted. And when I first met you again, I still wasn’t sure of what I wanted.
"Upstairs out on the terrace.."
I walked up and looked at the really low table you were sitting at with shifty eyes. It was too awkward to hold a conversation whilst trying to sit comfortably. For some reason I couldn’t seem to remember now we moved to the bar downstairs and the night hit off. You skipped salsa because of me. I thought that was very sweet considering the fact that dance was so important to you back then.
What could have been a 5 minute disaster first date turned to 5 hours of catching up and discovering new things about each other.
The blue t-shirt, that red Armani cap and our pints of Guinness and Strongbows led us to where we are today.
I still think that when you sent me off to my car, you dearly wanted to kiss me or gave me a peck on my cheek at least but you didn’t. It was those eyes and your demeanour. Well luckily you didn’t because our first kiss was awkward but at least it was not in a drunken stupor.
Happy Meet-a-versary, A.
I will always love you.
So recently Facebook somehow re-jigged their profile structure and some memes I did like in 2009 popped up. So here’s what I thought about myself in 2009. Let’s see how different (or the same I am today)
Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you!
1. I’m vain, period. Okay, most ppl say im narcissistic. (sigh, still true till today)
2. Law school has taken over my life ! I feel like a victim of an attempted murder to my brain cells. (I miss those days, now advertising is taking over my life & soul)
3. Addicted to shoes. Will buy loads of shoes but only always only wear that pair that i like the most until it cannot be worn at all ! (still the same.. how is this possible?!)
4. Loves surprises but cannot stand the idea of it. (yeap, that’s me)
5. Wanna earn enough money one day and go travel around the world with her other half! (Almost there :) so this is a good point!)
6. Wants an exciting job next time instead of a 9-5. I’ll sack myself if i have to go thru that. (Achieved somewhat)
7. Glad that i have a bf which reads my mind all the time. (A. is pretty good, sometimes)
8. I would say i’m optimistic (A trait somehow I’ll never grow out of)
9. I’ve developed an acute syndrome call shop till you die/drop/bankrupt (same lah)
10. If not law school, i would have done event management/journalism/advertising (done event management, currently in advertising)
11. Wants more tattoos (one coming up, finally)
12. Can’t wait to step into the working life.YES I KNOW, its gonna be diff, tough and bla bla. I still think its better than a student’s life. (Half and half)
13. I can eat cereal for breakkie or lunch or even dinner. (Somethings just don’t change)
14. I don’t give a toss what ppl think about me. I know me and my friends know me and that’s all that matters. (Sameeee old)
15. I find it easier somehow to study at night instead of day. (I find it easier to work at night now..)
16. Hates children. Hate is a strong word, dislike. (Not too fond of is the right word now)
17. Hopes with finger crossed that i’m gonna grad with a 2:2 (Served)
18. Most of the time i only eat one meal a day, dinner. I don’t starve, i’m er accustomed to it ? LOL (Eating patterns don’t change, I guess..)
19. Always remember to have faith in whatever i do. (Till this day)
20. I’m a self proclaimed camwhorer. I love cameras but always look shitty in pics. (Still a self proclaimed camwhorer - I look less sucky now, I hope)
21. I’m a sucker for romantic comedies (Still a sucker)
22. Wants to seek God again and to let Him know that i’m sorry i’ve been fading (Still seeking, sigh)
23. Wants him* to know that no matter what i’d always be here and he’ll always have a friend even when he feels that he has none. :DD (Not sure what this is about but I’m pretty sure *him is long gone, must be one of the exes)
24. I think i swear a lot (I KNOW I swear a lot)
25. Wish that life was simpler and fairer at times. (Keep on wishing lah, Hazel)
I guess somethings just don’t change at all.
Let’s see how we fare in another 5 years? :p
Had this urge to blog two days in a row – brilliant!
Whilst the whole Facebook and the online community is battling it out on who is more racist than the other - I stumbled upon reading up about this couple which struck a chord in my heart. Nothing fancy-ish or fairy-taleish but somehow their life seemed so simple and carefree as though nothing in this world mattered to them.
Suddenly I thought about the past, my past. Not in a i-miss-my-past kinda way. But more about how things turned out today kinda way.
I want to jot this down just in case I have Alzheimer’s one day. But if I had Alzheimers — I wouldn’t remember this blog too. Oh well.
Anyway - back to the this whole reminiscence bullshit. The both of them seem to be quite a mismatch couple in any sense. He studied in the UK and she was this quiet girl from Ipoh (she never spoke much English too). He obviously had a very good command in English. I thought to myself; why would he date a girl that doesn’t speak good English? How do they communicate? What do they have in common? He used to date this girl I knew back then which was nothing like this new girl.
I feel kinda stalker-ish now.
Truth is the past doesn’t really matter. People don’t date the same people twice in their lives and that’s really okay. You date the guy dubbed the jerk before, you date the too good for you guy next door and of course the one you thought was made for you but nope, life’s just messing with you (haha!)
They’re all so different yet you once dated them before. After a bad break up, you just think to yourself that you can never love again. That’s almost 99% never the case.
You will eventually find (or stumble upon) someone.
You may meet new people at your work place or an old friend may suddenly out of no where Facebook chat you after years of not meeting up.
Life’s just weird/funny that way.
It takes only one meet up, one date (on-ground and on-air?) and about a bajillion text messages to realise that 'Hey you could end up with this guy', maybe. I could be in love with him, maybe. Who knows?
Your life changes whenever you meet someone. The guy you thought could have been the one for you may have different views after a few years. The guy you once loved so much like never before can just cheat on you. You’re suddenly too afraid to be committed and suddenly you’re just too worried to open up again because love may suddenly betray/hurt you once more. And you wonder to yourself - what’s that feeling again?
Eventually - everyone moves on. I moved on.
But I have to admit - starting anew is no easy feat. It takes a lot of understanding, a lot of patience and a lot of acceptance to new things. To different things. I am still learning every day now and I am still trying to let go that fear that once took me over. The What ifs are constantly on my mind at times.
I just got out of a break up which was long due a little more than a year ago. We knew we were going to finally end it but things were just too damn draggy for the both of us. So many nights spent talking, so many times we tried to put it off till Singapore happened and everything just became too clear.
Of course I was tired - it was a 5 year relationship. Nothing is forgotten in like days/weeks.
But then I met A. again after like a few years of not keeping in contact. Facebook is truly a place where you get connected.
Yes we’re dating now, its been a while actually. He got me a ring too.
No, I am not engaged.
Isn’t it funny how things turn out to be?
Last night we made dinner and ate at home because we were told not to lepak outside because of an impending riot. In my mind I was thinking 'Really? A riot? Gosh the citizens are not that uncivilised'.
Where A. lives the BN’s Bilik Gerakan and PKR’s Bilik Gerakan are just across each other and through the whole campaigning period - there was no havoc caused and everyone was in their own state of business. Sure there were lots of mails received to vote for each respective parties as well as some really weird leaflets which only caused me to think that ‘Gosh, the people distributing the leaflets really don’t know how to count..’ cos I received like 5 of the same leaflet.
Back to making dinner – went out to Cold Storage did some grocery shopping, had some froyo and went back to cook dinner for his family. As we were cleaning up – I quickly urged A. to hurry up so we can watch the election and announcements going on TV. But seriously, national TV was a let-down – too slow, too much unnecessary commentary making the whole experience super uninteresting. How is it possible that every station has a different result shown on TV? The least the media people can do is to ensure consistency.
Thank God for the Internet but either the 90 year old person counting the ballot papers were too damn fast but by the time it was 1am I couldn’t give any more fucks and went to bed instead. Whatever it is – BN will win, I thought to myself right before I fell asleep.
It’s not that I don’t care about my country, of course I do but the truth is – I am not a registered voter so really whatever it is the least I should do is shut up cos why talk when you are not part of it right? So why this post some may ask before I go on.
This post isn’t about the government or the opposing party but rather a reminder to me that after this election – to please freaking get registered. 5 years ago I just turned 21 – honestly, I didn’t care about voting at all. This could be because the elections back then was not as widely discussed as now or perhaps the issues faced by the rakyat back then is just not as disheartening as now. Social media was not the main platform where information was shared and our voices were just too small to be heard or entertained. Nowadays, a simple status update can suddenly turn into a big debacle, an Instagram post of a bad dinner at a place could cost the place a handful of lost customers and a blog is suddenly a canvas for the world to understand/criticised or judge you.
The whole of yesterday my Instagram was flooded with pictures and post about the Election Day. A lot of users posted pictures of the crowd where their constituency was, reunion at the Alma mater and of course the infamous inked finger post. Everyone was happy, united and so filled with hope. Hope that today there will finally be a change.
Today however that hope seems to be gone in every one of us or at least those that reckon it is. I mean come on, really RIP Malaysia? We are still alive aren’t we? Wearing black and suddenly your face is a black box on Facebook? Everyone wants a fair election. Sorry to burst your bubble but life goes on. BN won – is it really so hard to believe? Did we all really think that PR was going to win? You can’t say for sure. But one thing for sure is that you definitely did HOPE for change. Not change for a different ruling government but change for a better future.
People out there who has suffered being the oppressed, yes I believed your vote was so that burden can be taken off you but for me and my friends around us – sometimes we are too much to even talk about oppression as though we’ve been there.
Truth of the matter is – we have not. We’ve had a fulfilled life where we were sheltered, protected and educated some till tertiary level and some even had the chance to study abroad. We have access to the internet (albeit sometimes slow), smart phones (how many different ones have we had?)And we actually know what the phrase ‘How I met your mother’ means. We had the luxury to own a car at a young age, able to meet friends around the city late at night and we are able to travel comfortably around the world with accessibility to budget airlines. We are more privileged than we think we are and yet we still have tonnes of complaints when it comes to our country, government and even our own life.
My parents are here today despite all the racial connotations, yes some leaders have made but they are here today not because they felt oppressed one point in time but rather they took matters in their own hands – they worked hard at a young age (both my parents worked in their respective company for more than 20 years, yes the exact same company), reaped the benefits and gave me a comfortable life which I don’t deserve. They never once complaint about the government and the country we live in despite it being so corrupted and always ending up in the media for the wrong reasons. Why do we need to care so much my mother always say – we pay our dues, we pay the bills and we pay the taxes. We do our parts as good citizens but end of the day your achievements are within your own reach. When you fail, don’t blame others for not helping you but yourself for not trying hard enough to do it yourself. Today at 26 years old, I finally understood what that really meant.
They say love should be unconditional – should this be applicable for the love for our country then? Why not? If my parents can still love me despite being so flawless then why should it be any different when it comes to loving Malaysia? Come on, Malaysia isn’t dead and it most definitely isn’t perfect.
The only thing that is dying is our hope for a better future after this 5th of May? Where’s the fighting spirit we had before yesterday?
Nobody is perfect and for sure our younger generation is not daft enough to think that even when PR comes into power – things will change overnight. All manifestos look too promising to be true. A manifesto is but a war cry to a bigger plan and we all know that plan changes.
For me what doesn’t change is the hope instilled in every one whom cast their votes yesterday. If you did so yesterday, please do so in the next 5 years.
It was really the thought that PR might have won is what kept the spirit in us to keep believing, to have hope and to pursue a bigger plan for our future.
The vote everyone cast was for different reasons. A mother cast her vote for her 5 year old child to have better education in the future, a father cast his vote so that his son could play safely with other kids in the neighbourhood without having to worry about kidnappers, the grandmothers and grandfathers of our nation cast their vote as they had been there when May 13th happened and for all their past endeavours but still being able to live today, the first time voters cast their votes because they believed that their vote can make a difference and for a bigger cause. Every one voted for different reasons and voting for the current government to be out should not even be the main reason. They say every cloud has a silver lining – who is to know that this time BN will perform better knowing that they could have been voted out by the rakyat and if they eventually did work out for the better; are we going to vote them out in the next 5 years then?
Let’s pray that the rakyat have taken matters in their own hands this time around and we are the teachers to our leaders for the future generation.
We are teaching our current government to fix what they have not and to understand that we are watching their every move from now on. Corruption needs to end, the welfare of the people and the future of kids need to be taken care of and looked into seriously.
On the other hand, we are also teaching the opposition to keep on fighting for their place and to make sure that with their big wins this time around is only the start of an opportunity to achieve great things and to finally show Malaysians who have voted this time around that their votes were worth it.
The future is near for us – I am only 26 years old this year and I believe that there is hope to change for the better.
Hope is what kept us united and it will keep us to continue believing that change is within our reach.